Kicking It - Things worth knowing

Elizabeth Youngman-Westphal

Special to The Village News

In this new year, here are some things worth sharing.

Life is a one act play. You need to enjoy it as it comes. That is why we celebrate birthdays.

Eat dessert first.

Believe in yourself. After all, if what you want is easy – everybody would be doing it. Follow your heart and you will find happiness.

Say “thank you” often after receiving gifts. It may be hard at first, but practice will make it easier. Then write a note expressing your appreciation.

Be natural in your appearance. Wear a smile everywhere. And wear your good jewelry when it is safe to do so.

Always carry an ironed hanky. Never pet a stray animal. Hug the people you love often.

Do one good deed daily and keep it to yourself.

Be on time to appointments and activities. It shows respect. Cancel engagements instead of failing to show up.

Greet people that are within 10 feet of you with a smile and a happy hello.

Stand up straight. It makes you look five pounds slimmer.

It’s okay to laugh at yourself.

And men, don’t argue with your woman unless you are ready to forego physical relations with her. Women are not wired to be mad and lustful.

Never return an empty dish to a friend who brought you a treat. It should always contain something when returned even if it’s filled with jelly beans.

According to the Chinese Zodiac, this is the year of the Tiger. We are to be brave, strong, powerful, and independent. Which is why this cougar decided to confess her love of potato chips.

Make more lists. I for one, make lists inside of lists, known as my sub-lists. Even so, too often, I misplace my lists and have to start over again.

I make lists for groceries, gift-giving lists, and when I leave the house, I list all of the stops to make along the route like DDS, CVS, and USPS. My lists include all of the places to shop, with separate lists for appointments. I make lists for packing, recipe ingredients, housekeeping chores, honey-do lists, Christmas card lists, followed by thank-you note lists. As a semi-resolution for this year, I wish to find patience. I was tested for it once – it was negative.

I do not recall ever being patient with a personal philosophy like “lead, follow, or get the hell out of my way.” How could I? Apparently that sentiment was etched on a plaque on Ted Turner’s desk. That being the only time he and I would have been in congress.

I never learned to properly coil a garden hose. That ties back into my lack of patience. My desktop is cluttered which brings me comfort for some odd reason. Furthermore, I’ve concluded that if I wait for life to be fair, I will have a long wait.

I’ve especially lost all patience with the national news networks, CNN, and MSNBC, leaving only FOX News as one of my sources for truth.

Fact is there are not too many people with an opinion that I trust. Julie Reeder is one, my physician assistant daughter is two, and naturally, my husband. Julie presents the news without bias; my daughter tells it to me straight regarding my health, and my husband is honorable in all that he does.

Although I feel I have washed off an entire layer of skin over the past two years, my daughter strongly recommends that I continue. I am to avoid crowds and mask up inside when around others. Apparently, this Omicron virus is lethal for folks in my age group. As it stands today, I am not ready to die. Are you?

Yet, the very next thing I hear is the U.K. Prime Minister, along with the entire country of Israel, are both debating a maskless existence. Doesn’t it appear that we’ve all been sucked into a power grab because everything about this pandemic seems to be about identifying individuals living in this country as well as worldwide. Odd how we were required to show personal information to get a “free” shot from our government but it was not required to vote in a local or national election to elect these fools. It’s so fishy, it smells.

And if that weren’t enough to raise my hackles, what about the Letter to the Editor from John H. Terrell (Jan. 20, 2022)? His mindset is so far removed from my reality, I had to verify that he is a real person. Which is why his letter has totally upended my steadfast belief, proving for all times, there may be snowballs in hell. You see for more than eight years his beliefs and mine have been at polar opposites. About everything. For instance, J.H.T. believes everything is hunky-dory with this current government while I, a right-wing conservative Forever Trumper, believe our country is going to hades.

Yet, that said, common ground has been reached without strife, insults, or blood. For you see, it turns out, J.H.T. and I are both dedicated water flossers! I have touted using one for decades. Furthermore, proving the “Gods must be crazy,” it appears we use the same brand of water-flosser-electric-toothbrush.

While I am still confounded by this recent finding, my husband ups the ante when it comes to dental care. After every meal: he flosses, he water picks, he then adds baking soda on top of toothpaste before using first his rotary electric toothbrush and second his oscillating toothbrush. After every meal.

For me it seems the universe has realigned itself because two adversaries have found common ground. No doubt, hell has frozen over.

Recognizing the severity of the situation, I was compelled to put on my shoes, grab my purse and keys, and rush to the store before it started snowing.

And that is when I bought a whole apple pie and ate a huge piece when I got home ‘cause clearly, the end must be near.

Elizabeth Youngman-Westphal can be reached at [email protected].